There’s more to being a woman than the roles you play and the scripts you’ve inherited.
If you long to explore who you really are, without blowing up the life you love…
If you’re fizzing with questions you’ve never dared ask out loud…
If you yearn to be vulnerable, but need someone to go first…
You’ve come to the right place. I see you.
Hello! I’m Deepa, a writer, wife, mother, lover, explorer and cat hostage born in Manila, living in Amsterdam.
I’m the author of the memoir ASK ME HOW IT WORKS: LOVE IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE (soon out in paperback as ASK ME: A MEMOIR OF DARING TO LOVE DIFFERENTLY).
Published by Viking Books UK and translated into Dutch and German, my memoir is longlisted for the 2026 Women’s Prize for Non-fiction.
In my book, I write about how marriage, migration and motherhood revealed me to be quite a different wife and mother than I thought I would be.
All of this led to a season of exponential self-discovery, and triggered the shift from monogamy to non-monogamy. I also write about that, and how we make our open marriage work, as it has for 10 years and counting.
Navigating seismic identity shifts seems to have become my secret superpower.
In the last two years alone, I became a published author, was diagnosed with breast cancer, ended a long-term love and was longlisted for my first literary award.
So, yes, there’s a lot going on! This is where I write about it all.
What you can expect from me
I write personal essays drawn from real life, where I question the rules of what it means to be a woman—and attempt to rewrite the script on my own terms.
I am big on joy (and pleasure). Unapologetic joy. Feminine joy. Brown joy. Queer joy. When I think of what I most want to put into the world with my writing, it is joy. Pleasure is often the doorway that leads me there.
I encourage curiosity without judgment. I ask a lot of questions, and I receive a lot in return. I answer those I get in my advice column, ASK ME HOW IT WORKS (yep, like my book!).
Got a burning question for me? Consider this your invitation to ask me.
Why subscribe?
Most of my posts are free. Writing brings me joy, and sharing it multiplies that joy.
However, as a woman speaking openly about sexuality and intimacy, I’ve been exposed to a lot of online toxicity. Yet I don’t want that to hold me back from being myself and writing about what feels true and necessary to me.
Paywalling deeply personal posts, as well as community posts that take up more of my time and energy, feels like a good boundary. I hope you’ll consider supporting my work for the price of a (bougie) coffee every month.
A few places you can start
If you’d like a better idea of what I’m about, here are a few favourite posts to get you started. Happy reading!
Rewriting Womanhood
Rewriting the Body
My Author Journey
Thanks for coming to spend time in my world. I’m so happy you’re here.
