Letters by Deepa
Letters by Deepa
No. 23 | On polyamory, pleasure and sex at 40

No. 23 | On polyamory, pleasure and sex at 40

I wrote a column on sex and aging. Let me read it to you.

Well, that hiatus was unplanned. So was my third bout of Covid, but let’s not talk about that. It’s so 2021.

I’m back with some new writing!

Recently, The Pleasure Society asked me to write about sexuality and age for Cheex, along with four other writers in their 50s, 60s, and 70s. I’m a huge fan of The Pleasure Society (their Pleasure Cards are so much fun for lovers), and I love Cheex’s approach to erotic films, audio stories, and sex education.

It’s hard to write an article about sex in your 40s without using the words ‘confidence’, ‘comfortable in my own skin,’ ‘owning it,’ or ‘fabulous at 40’). But I did my best.

Read my full column over on the Cheex website, or simply listen to it here.

Here’s a question for you:

What is the absolute best thing about sex at age __ (insert your age here)?

I’m looking forward to reading your answers. As a thank you, here’s 14 days of FREE access to Cheex!

Leave a comment

My pleasure. (And hopefully, yours too.)

You’re invited to my live reading!

And now for some exciting news. This month I’m participating in Come Alive, an exhibition about eroticism and the power of pleasure at the Muntgebouw in Utrecht.

The grand opening on Friday, June 3rd features awesome art, workshops, performances, and a party. I’m guesting on the panel discussion: Everything You Always Wanted to Know But Were Too Afraid To Ask About Sex.

It blows my mind that less than a year ago, I couldn’t write a sex scene to save my life. Now here I am on a sex panel. How’s that for character development?

On June 25th, Saturday, I’ll be reading excerpts from my book!

I’ve found intimate live readings fun, exciting, and incredibly insightful. Seeing where people laugh, lose interest, get turned on (yes, I can see you touching yourself) tells me what works and what doesn’t, where to sharpen and expand, what to cut and what to keep—all valuable information that goes into shaping my second draft.

Hey, this post is public, so feel free to share it!


The energy and reactions of a live audience are a huge boost of encouragement to keep slogging through this solitary, uncertain, and thankless process of writing and re-writing. So I invite you to an exchange: I give you stories, you give me strength.

I’m also taking questions after the reading, so…

What are you dying to know about my book?

The reading is free, but I highly recommend getting a ticket for the exhibition. See the art, stay for the words.

Get your tickets for June 25th here. Please come! I would love to see you.

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Biggest thanks to Conor, my co-conspirator and sound expert; Morgan from Come Alive; and Shari of The Pleasure Society.

Letters by Deepa
Letters by Deepa
Filipina-Indian writer Deepa Paul narrates personal essays on people, places, and moments that matter. Sometimes good friends show up to read, too.
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